Sweet and Sour

True Football Fan !!

2006-09-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

A man had two suite tickets for the Euro2004 Cup final Greece v Portugal.

As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the best game of Euro 2004, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first European Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at her funeral."

:-)

Theory of Friends

2006-09-24T18:38:00.000-07:00

Trip to Doctors Office - Funny Joke

2006-09-24T18:32:00.000-07:00

Seducing a Bachelor ???

2006-09-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

Seducing a Bachelor ???

Smart Sardar - Joke

2006-09-24T18:16:00.000-07:00

Smart Sardar - Joke

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.After almost twenty-four hours on the road,they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350.The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate,the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears,listens
to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from Hollywood and LasVegas perform here," the Manager says.

But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."

Little Star- Why I Love Rajni Kant

2006-09-24T17:40:00.000-07:00

Little Star - Why I love Rajni Kant Video

Asin at Her Cutest - Bollywood Stars

2006-09-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

Asin at Her Cutest - Bollywood Stars

How big the 2nd wave was.....Tsunami Phuket

2006-09-24T10:45:00.000-07:00

How big the 2nd wave was.....Tsunami Phuket (Thailand)

(click to enlarge)

Couple Caught in Botanical Garden Adult Joke

2006-09-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

Couple Caught in Botanical Garden- Adult Joke:

Rabridevi Meets Yamraj - Funny Joke

2006-09-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

Rabridevi Meets Yamraj - Funny Joke

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't laugh). As she stood in front of Yamraj, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered , "those are Lie Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every Time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh", Said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?? That?s Gautam Buddha's.

The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.

"And whose clock is that?" That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."

Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"

Laloo?s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan!..........................."

Ancient IT Department - Funny

2006-09-24T08:52:00.000-07:00

This was the IT department in Ancient India

IT department in ancient India

Brahma
Systems Installation

Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support

Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant

Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management

Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)

Ganesh
Quality Assuarance & Documentation

Narada
Data transfer

Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records

Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses

Devas
Mainframe Programmers

Surya
Solaris Administrator

Rakshasas
In house Hackers

Ravan
Internet Explorer WWWF

Kumbhakarnan
Zombie Process

Lakshman
Support Software and Backup

Hanuman
Linux/s390

Vaali
M$ Windows

Sugreeva
DOS

Jatayu
Firewall

Dronacharya
System Programmer

Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects

Shakuni
Annual appraisal & Promotion

Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )

Dharm! araj Yudhishthira
ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)

Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer

Draupadi
Motivation & Team building|

Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM

Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB

Karna
Contract programmer

Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++

Gandhari
Dreamweaver

100 Kauravas
Microsoft Service Packs and patches

Sonia and MMS

2006-09-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

Sonia and MMS

T - Shirts with a Message - Funny

2006-09-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

T-Shirts with a Message

Banta Singh quits drinking !!! - Joke

2006-09-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders three glasses of Beer and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada, and I'm here in Ludhiana. When they left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
Banta Singh becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway. He orders three Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Banta Singh looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive".

"Only thing is ---- I've just quit drinking"!!!!!!

Perfect Relationship

2006-09-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

THE FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP ARE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, cooks good, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh & she is cute.

3. It's important to have a woman whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in romance and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Driving

2006-09-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. -Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper,foot solidly on accelerator... - Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet onbrake, quivering in terror - New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet onaccelerator, head turned to talk to someone in backseat - Italy

One hand on horn, one hand greeting, one ear on cellphone, one ear listening to loud music, foot onaccelerator, eyes on female pedestrians, conversationwith someone in next car - Welcome to India!

Presence of Mind

2006-09-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.

John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter." As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, So he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.

Which place are you from?"
John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.
John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."

"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.
John replied, "Which team did she play for?"

WALMART URINALYSIS

2006-09-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

One day, in line at a company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.""

Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal! -mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart.

That afternoon, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. When he got home, he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and masturbated into the mixture for good measure, and hurried to Wal-mart before it closed, eager to check the results. He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results. The computer lights up, and ten seconds later prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener kit. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.(Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never getbetter.

THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING @ WAL-MART.

Why Love is Blind

2006-09-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it,

God had put all the human "qualities" in a separate room.

Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek.

"Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!"

And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek "Madness", all the other qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two,three..."

As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding.

"Treason" hid in a pile of garbage..

"Lie" said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake.

And Madness continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..."

By this time, all the qualities were already hidden except "Love ". For stupid as "Love" is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide "Love".

"Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when "Madness" got to one hundred........."Love" jumped into a rose
bush where he hid.

And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness" searched madly and
found "Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all except Love.

Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love.

Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness" "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush."

"Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry. The thorns in the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes. Hearing the commotion God
came into the room and saw what had happened. He got very angry and cursed "Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u ...u shall always be with him"

And so it came about that from that day on, "Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness!"

Management Lessons - MUST READ

2006-09-17T10:10:00.000-07:00

Lesson Number One
************************
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
long?"
The crow answered "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two
************************
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,who shot the turkey out
of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Number Three
**************************
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the Feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

Lesson Number Four
************************
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize
how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Kisne Kiss Maara

2006-09-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

General Musharaf, Vajpayee, Maduri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap ! The train comes out of the tunnel.

The woman and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharaf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Maduri. Musharaf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."

Maduri is thinking: "Musharaf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."

Musharaf is thinking: "Damn it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped me."

Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharaf again."

Note:This is a purely funny joke, no offense whatsover to anyone.

Choice of Hell

2006-09-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

A guy dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the
German hell. Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil was a software engg, so he swipes the card, comes in, checks his mails and then goes to the cafeteria..."

Why Men Dont Lie

2006-09-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river,his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lordasked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see,if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, You would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given all three to me.

Lord, I am a poor man, and I am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Jennifer Lopez."

The moral of this story is: whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.......

BABA

2006-09-16T23:35:00.000-07:00

This is a conversation that took place between a person(Y) in the public and a marketing guy(X).

X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which vests do you use?
Y: Baba's
X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, What is this Baba? Is it an international company???
Y: No, He is my roommate.

Indian Mother

2006-09-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow...

Love,
Mom.

Lesson of the day: Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is Indian !

Kuch Sardar Jokes

2006-09-16T23:22:00.000-07:00

1. Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon
dekhta rehta."
Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."

2.
4 hightech sardar inventions:
---Waterproof towel
---Solar powered torch
---Book on how to read
---Pedal powered wheel chair.

3. Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess
what
---To avoid side effect!!!

5.
Man:sardarji where were u born?
sardarji: punjab.
man: which part.
Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".

6. Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke
---Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath.

6. Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha
"akal badhi ya bhais "
Sardar bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".

8. Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door
coz it was an entrance exam.

9.
Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a
swimming pool.
Banta: give him a glass of water.

10.
Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: really what is he studying?
santa: he is not studying they r studying him.

Bear With me

2006-09-16T22:59:00.000-07:00

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. As the sound of the rifle shot faded away, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

Frank decided to bend over.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, where he found the black bear and shot it. As the sound of the rifle shot faded away, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to comply.

Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly, and shot it. He felt sweet revenge. As the sound of the rifle shot faded away, there was a tap on his shoulder.

He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

Men always have better friends

2006-09-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

Men always have better friends...They will stand by you, no matter what...!!!

Friends of women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment over night. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that.

Friends of men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.

Ten Things to Avoid in your Bedroom

2006-09-15T23:34:00.000-07:00

Welcome to 21st Century. A time where it seems more divorces are filed than marriages. The ego clash between husband and wife is reaching its pinnacle. With the fast pace of life and modernisation, the differences within the household is reaching its peak.

Most of the husband wife problems can start anywhere and anytime and make its way to the bedroom. This articles talks about the top ten things you can avoid in the bedroom. Bedroom is not just a place for intercourse. It is the place where you retire after a long day of work, stress and tensions. So keep these things out of your bedroom so that you have a peaceful night of sleep and happy & health relationship with your partner.

Ten Things to Avoid in your Bedroom:

1. Dont go to bed without solving the problems of the day. Every relation comes with difference of opinions. Even if you are upset with your partner, sleep in the same bed and same room. Chances are that in your sleep, physical touch reduces the tension in the relationship and by the next day, it would be out of the mind of both or at least reduced.

2. Dont insult your partner in the bedroom. Bedroom is not the place to insult your partner. Even if your partner does have shortcomings, try to understand his/her problems. This in itself would reduce half the problems.

3. Dont compare your partner with others in the bedroom. Things like "Look at your neighbor, he loves his wife so much; did you know he bought her 25K diamond necklace for Diwali" or "Paru ko dekha, kya figure hai, aur tumhara figure, kya bolon..." should be strictly avoided.

4. Do not indulge in sexual relationship if your child is sleeping in your bedroom. Ninety percent chances are that your child is asleep. But if the child wakes up and catches you in the act of sex, this might have an adverse affect on the childs mind. The child might even misunderstand that the father is abusing/harassing the mother which can lead to a despise towards sex in the childs mind.

5. Dont think about your daily chores and issues like paying bills, have to finish the report at work by this Thursday, in the bedroom. Keep these thoughts away from the bedroom.

6. Dont force your partner into sex. Indulge in sex only if both parties are equally interested. Otherwise it can have a negative impact in the relationship.

7. Dont indulge in experiments that your partner is not comfortable with. Example: If your partner is not comfortable in things like Oral sex, stay away from that.

8. Dont get into the sexual acts under the influence of intoxication like alcohol.

9. Try to avoid over eating before the act.

10. People who have to take sleeping pills to go to sleep (for medical reasons), should take the pills after the act. If taken otherwise, this can make the act more tiring.

Best effort has been made to translate this article from a Non English website. Hope this would be of help to you.

Original Source

Driving

2006-09-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window - Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator... - Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy

One hand on horn, one hand greeting, one ear on cell phone, one ear listening to loud music, foot on accelerator, eyes on female pedestrians, conversation with someone in next car - Welcome to India

Shocking Telegrams

2006-09-14T22:40:00.000-07:00

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams which the father receives as:

"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

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TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."

The message received by wife:
"I wish you were her."

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TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.

Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue,she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."

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TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says:

Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".

The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"

The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom.

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".

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TELEGRAM #5

A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi.

When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.He sent a telegram.

When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.

It was written: 'Sethji aaj mar gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye).

Fatal Error

2006-09-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

Fatal Error:

A TRUE LOVE STORY... The Best Love story ever

2006-09-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

A TRUE LOVE STORY... The Best Love story ever

Before reading this please dont think of the person you love, a true, touching love story that happened in the Jamu & Kashmir(border) areas.

The headman of a big tribe had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the people of the tribe came to know about their love, they did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for a happy future. The people of the tribe started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them. At last,they accepted their love and asked them in a newspaper to come back.

The people said that if u both come back we will marry u, we accept that u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating. The couple went to the city for shopping for the wedding. He was wearing a white traditional dress, and was crossing the road when a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died.

One night she was sleeping in her home with her family. Her mother had dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood spots of the guy from her daughter's clothes as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

Next night the father saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which there were blood spots. She washed the spots but some remained.

Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the spots but some still remained.

Next night she again had the same dream and this time that fairy gave her last warning to wash the blood spots, else something terrible will happen.

This time the girl tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still remained.

In the evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked the door, when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up..., and gave her an object. The awe-struck girl asked "what is this..? to which the fairy replied : ......"kaise bhi daag ho, jaise bhi daag ho........ Surf Excel hai na..."

I know what u are feeling now... But don't look for me... I'm searching for the person who mailed this to me... :) I know you want to kill me for this!!! I felt the same!!

You are an Indian If....

2006-09-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

YOU ARE AN INDIAN IF.....

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum
foils.

3. You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing
your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, tshick,
tshick,tschick, tschick.

4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the
Airport.

5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's
normal.

6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed
to mark up.

7. You recycle Wedding Gifts.

8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram &
Shyam,Kamini & Shamini.)

9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to
their real names.

10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"

11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's
house.

12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether
it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

14. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but
they won't let you do certain things because of what the their "Uncles and Aunties" will think.

15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions,
which never happen.

16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of
bowls as possible.

19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and
plastic utensils (got free with some household items).

20. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and
travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

23. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they
prefer it that way).

24. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

25. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

26. You can only travel if there are 5 persons atleast to see you
off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or
plane.

27. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in
knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to
spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

28. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.

29. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask
if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

30. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."

31. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes,
you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

32. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign
countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at
the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

33. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting
dirty.

34. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

35. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

36. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

37. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

38. You have really enjoyed reading this mail- and you will surely
forward it to as many friends as possible,that's why u r an
Indian !!!!!

How Good is Your Manners When it Comes to Gals

2006-09-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students:

"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies "Wait a minute, I'm going for a p."

The teacher says : "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says : "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Billy says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "

The teacher passed out..

WHY NEWTON COMMITTED SUICIDE???

2006-09-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

Here is the reason.

Once Newton came to India and watched few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes thro ugh his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.
Bang...the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics.
The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives.

Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.

(Newton is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton Commits Suicide!!!!!!!!!

Dispensar - Joke

2006-09-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

Two priests are off to the showers late one night.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no
soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not
bothering to dress.He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and
heads back to the showers.

He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like
he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled,
he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap
dispenser".

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure
enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and
three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then
yells:
"Holy Mary, Mother of God hand lotion too!"

The Best Chain Mail I ever Received

2006-09-13T22:23:00.000-07:00

"Guru RUM-O Guru Whisky Guru Gin-o, Wine-eshwara

Guru Sakshal Para Brandy, Tasmai sree Beer-e Namaha. Cheers"

You have received the 'Toddy manthra' which is very powerfull.

After receiving this mathra you have to forward it and you will get benefits

If you forward this to 5 people, you will receive a chilled beer by end of the day. Either some friends will offer you or some how u will get it for free.

Forward it to 10 people and you'll get a pint of Premium whisky

25 people you'll get a full bottle super premium whisky

50 people you will get a full bottle scotch of normal brand

100 people & u get a full bottle Johnny walker Single malt

500 People will fetch you a Royal salute full.

But if you delete without forwarding you'll suffer consequences. One of my friend (Bapu L) deleted without forwarding and on the same day evening he vomited on the first peg.

Howt to Tell the Gender of a Fly

2006-09-13T22:13:00.000-07:00

How to tell the gender of a Fly
JUST TOO CUTE.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Superman versus Batman

2006-09-13T10:55:00.000-07:00

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting and

wanted to go out and party.

He called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some
young girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him.

A little disappointed, Superman "SMS" Spiderman to see if he fancied
a few beers but Spiderman said he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to
see if she was free.

As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with
her legs open and her eyes closed.

Superman thought to himself,

"So exotic, should I or shouldn't I ...wait ...I'm faster than a
speeding bullet! I can be in there out again before she knew what
happened."

So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off
happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said, "What is going on? Did you
hear anything ...?" Hollow -Man replied, "No! But....... my a$$ is
hurting like hell!"

The Bench-Phase of My Company

2006-09-13T10:44:00.000-07:00

Click on the picture to enlarge it, if you find difficulty reading it.

Ancient Idiot

2006-09-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

There was a debate to choose who was the ancient idiot.

After a lot a brain storming sessions ,finally Dusshasana was chosen as the ancient idiot.

Becoz he kept on pulling and pulling the saree of Draupadi,instead of lifting it!!!.............

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy

2006-09-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy

INFOSYSism
You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
WIPROism
GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
DELLism
Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow's milk.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
IBMism
You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
MICROSOFTism
You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
INTELism
Microsoft makes horse shoes. You nail them to your cows & wonder why
they don't run fast.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
SUNism
You have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
ORACLEism
You have a cow. You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools
to help milk cows.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
SAPism
You don't have a cow. You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
APPLEism
You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
SONYism
You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world's thinnest milk.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
CITIBANKism
Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull,
press 2...stay on line if you'd like our customer care to milk it for you.

Some emerging "isms" of the new economy
HPism
You don't know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
GEism
You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
RELIANCEism
You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy
TATAism
You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.

Source:http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/862718.cms

ULTIMATE... ARZ KIYA HAI

2006-09-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

Mangta hoon to deti nahi...
Jawab meri baat ka

Deti hai to khada ho jata hai....

Rome rome jajbat ka

Kehta hoon usse aise na andar rakho...

Yun jawab sawal ka

Wo kahti hai, pahle tum dikhao....

Rukh apne baat ka

Kal sham ko jab kar rahe the saath mein...

Kaam apne office ka

Khul gaya achanak uska aankho ke samne,

Bhed coding logic ka

Ishara karke kahti hai pakadane ko mujhko,

Cup garam coffee ka

Aur khud mera pakad leti hai..

Thanda glass juice ka

Sochta hoon aaj bahon me pakad ke daal hi doon,

Balon me fool gulab ka

Dalte hi jad jata hai,

Patta patta gulab ka...

To all drunkards...

2006-09-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

BASED ON YOUR SUNSIGNS YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOUR AFTER YOU GET DRUNK !!

ARIES : Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometime sdon't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk I sa good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS Drinking style Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say thatthe Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI Drinking style Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

CANCER Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling -Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one what rung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expects a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the sub genius IQ!

LIBRA Drinking style "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Frienddevice set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the roomor even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them seethe sauce as something to savor in itself, and not asa personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

SAGITTARIUS Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun . Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who're you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well(except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist):Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality --with Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know. ...

My Resignation and last day at work....

2006-09-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

I took a brave decision. Tomorrow will be my last day here, I would like to inform each and everyone of you of my decision.

I am leaving this company as I have got a small job as a football coach. It is quite far from here. Anyways, I will miss u guys.

Wishing you all the best of luck for your future.

Keep in touch. I will send you all my new mobile number when I reach there.

Keep Smiling...

bye...

Saurab

P.S. I am attaching a small photograph of the team that I am going to coach there. It came with the offer letter...

The Six Dangerous Acts

2006-09-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

DON'T ACT THE 7 ACTIONS BELOW AFTER YOU HAVE A MEAL

Don't smoke- Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).

Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before meal.

Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.

Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.

Don't bathe - Bathing will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.

Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.

Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

Too Smart for First Grade - Teacher v/s Student - Very Funny

2006-09-12T23:16:00.000-07:00

A first-grade teacher, Ms Poonam (Age 22 ) was having trouble with one of her students

The teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"

Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in
the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"

Ms Poonam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office.
While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Poonam he would give the
boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back
to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Boy.: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Boy.: "36".

And so it went with every question t! he principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at Ms Poonam and tells her, "I think Boy. can
go to the third-grade."

Ms Poonam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy. both agree.

Ms Poonam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy., after a moment "Legs."

Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Boy.: "Pockets."

Ms Poonam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,

oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Ms Poonam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And

sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could

stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Ms Poonam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting

down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open

really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Poonam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Boy.: Yep.

Ms Poonam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Ms Poonam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're

bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was

looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Poonam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Ms Poonam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Ms Poonam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot
of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Poonam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get
it u ha! ve to use urhand.

Boy.: Fork

Ms Poonam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife
after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME

Ms Poonam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots
of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

"Send this Boy. to DelhiUniversity, I got the last ten questions

wrong myself!"